quelle suprise, another blogger talking about how this year will be different. Read on (does that phrase make anyone else think of Mr. Bennet? Just me? K.), and I might just surprise you yet.
But can you believe we’re almost a week into the New Year? My office is full of people again, Texas might actually see some snow, AND Ed Sheeran has promised new music, so really, I’m a happy girl. How did I spend NYE, you ask?
Blowing glitter at cameras, laughing in a turtleneck and tulle skirt? Nope. Reminiscing with old friends about years past around a cozy fireplace with mugs filled with more marshmallows than hot cocoa? Not this year. Assembling a ridiculously difficult puzzle with my family, toasting with sparkling apple cider and then fighting my sister for the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and go to bed sooner? No, that was last year. This year, there was no confetti, and no toasts. Last Saturday, I entered the new year with thousands of other believers in prayer. In Houston, of all places, we met and consecrated the year to Jesus: to His will, to His plan, and to the quickening of His coming.
Typing that was hard.
It’s dumb, I’m dumb, but a part of me is convinced that I can’t do this thing that I love–write on this blog, create content, share and connect with y’all–if I dedicate CC to something other than fashion, with the occasional coder moment. I find myself thinking that if I share what’s on my heart, that people will feel like I’ve overstepping, and trying too hard to shove my faith at them.
So for a while, my faith has taken a back burner on this blog.
Oh it’s there, if you look for it.
There’s a verse in my bio; that puts me up there with Mary and Paul, right? And every now and then, I mention something about church or my Christian sorority, so I’m practically already gushing with the gospel message, right? If someone were to look at my blog, and then keep looking, and then look hard enough, then they’d totally know that I’m a Christian.
I hope you can feel the sarcasm seeping through cyberspace.
Here’s the thing, y’all: I was reading through Tuesday’s post, and I realized how unintentionally ironic this blog has become. I make such a big deal out of how we all have such different parts to us, yet here I am: afraid to proclaim the biggest part of mine.
This isn’t to undermine the last year of this blog, which I’m terribly terribly proud of, and it doesn’t mean that every post from here on out is going to be a sermonette. It doesn’t mean I’m going to put up a facade of being the perfect Christian–did you see my insta story yesterday? I literally pulled down a display rack of salt at an Albertsons. Two employees had to come over to help me reassemble it (a leg broke) and people were awkwardly stepping around me while I was kneeling on the linoleum in my work clothes, picking up pints of salt from where they’d scattered. The shambles are real, y’all, and they’re hear to stay. I don’t want to hide the struggles any more than I want to keep hiding a part of my life that is so important to me.
She’s so pretentious, blogging about her faith. Who does she think she is? She knows people don’t read this blog because of her beliefs, right? This is supposed to be a style blog, I don’t know why she feels compelled to bring her religion into it.
I sincerely hope no one’s thinking that. Yet I’m terrified—and have been terrified—that that’s what you’d think. That your opinion of me would lessen for sharing my faith, and that I’m just another drop in the sea of Baylor girls who feel entitled to blog about their faith. And yet here I am, about to hit publish.
It comes down to resolutions.
Not the ones I made on December 31st, but the ones I made on September 15th, 2007—when I was baptized. In front of my family and friends, it was a public declaration that I would always proclaim Jesus, always show Jesus, always choose Jesus.
I’m not changing this blog, not altering what it’s about or what I stand for here. It’s just that the 09/15/07 resolutions seeped into the 12/31/16 resolutions, and I’m going to try to be better about being candid in all areas of my life, not just the ones that photograph well. If it’s not your cup of tea, then honestly I don’t think I’m your cup of tea. And that’s okay. I have been so happy for each person that clicked onto this blog, and I’d love to think that each one of you will stick around. But if you don’t, that’s your prerogative, and I really do hope you find macarons and 80s fashion elsewhere. If you do decide to hang around here, then I hope you’ll hold me accountable when I say that I’m going to be sharing more of myself on here.
This post has been both a long time and a stream of convictions in coming, and it was pushed over the edge by the New Year, and the radiant joy that is Hannah from The Cake by Hannah. I’m not cool enough to Pure Barre (yes, that’s now a verb), and I don’t have the cutest puppy ever…but I am loved by the same Savior, and I am determined to share Him with the same joyous resolve.
“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” Romans 1:16
Long-winded exposition now over, I’m going to go back to drinking herbal tea and willing these clouds to spontaneously combust in snow. Thanks for reading, y’all, and even more for understanding. I’ve been so blessed by the amazing community of followers CC has accumulated, and I really can’t wait to see where this year will take us ♥